Huckabee Can’t say “No Deal”!

Who would have ever thought Mike Huckabee, a man with little money, or preparation for government leadership would some day have the financial ability to lead the “conservative” end of the Republican Party?  After owning the governorship of Arkansas, the Huckster reminded all of us that he too could not only play music but prey as well as any Clinton.  In 2008 with only a few guitar licks, and a presidential campaign with little money, he began to strum up media attention.  Suddenly, like the Fastest Gun Alive, he had people wanting to just give him money and with that money and popularity he bought a seat next to George Stephanopoulos on George’s Sunday morning talk show.  On that bright Sunday morn, the Huckster held his smiling shining face high and as a country minister should, immediately upon George’s introduction expressed his humble gratitude for George’s hospitable concern.  After all Mike had told his audiences time and time again that he had truly been blessed with a “miracle candidacy”. Maybe it was that very thought that stirred the interest of George Stephanopoulos to ask the Huckster if he hadn’t crossed his own moral lines when Mike before the Iowa caucus, held a fund raiser in casino. Huckabee’s eyes darted back like a man who had suffered Montezuma’s revenge in a public restroom to only discover the place was without toilet paper.  Suddenly as if at the Pearly Gates before Saint Peter himself, the disoriented and deceitful Huckster pleaded his case! He first feigned to rebuke George, but Mike could only manage to offer a smidgen of an outrage. “You’re going too far!” The Huckster charged but George’s cold stare was like a threatening stoic and unaffected Saint Pete.  Realizing that his outrage was misplaced, George like St. Peter seemed ready to slam those pearly gates, and the Huckster knew it.  Mike’s secret fear that his television career would be “aborted” and  he would never be on the teli again, seemed to becoming true. Suddenly inspired, Mike changed his tune and resorted to a less offensive manner as he adopted a minimalist strategy.  “It was a small casino.” “The casino was closed for the day. We were near the kitchen and away from the slots!” And then came a final avid non sequester. “That’s like saying if you’re against alcohol you shouldn’t be near the wet bar.” At that point Mike paused, not since Richard Nixon did I ever see anyone’s lip tremble like Mike’s .   I began to wonder if Mike wasn’t some soul swapping Richard Nixon demon from Hell who had come to take over This Week with George Stephanopoulos!

ShaZam! Before my very eyes, Mike turned into a Richard Nixon look alike! Here’s the saddest part!  Who would ever think that George would loose his show and the Huckster would have his own show on Fox?  Certainly not St. Pete!  How did that happen?  Well to hear Mike after his “miracle campaign” ended, he went to the “islands” on a lucrative speaking tour and was witness to another miracle. On that tour he was given a whole lot of money while his wife was caught vacationing in Vegas, and stayed at a brand new Hooter’s Hotel and casino where she bet on a prize fight but lost!  Maybe it was St. Peter himself that came up with the idea but Mike remembered one thing.  He, just like Richard Nixon, wasn’t fond of anyone asking him questions about his money or any Mormon’s who believed that Jesus was Satin himself.

The Huckster took his hard earned speech money and bought himself a Fox television show.  Here’s the strange part, This Week With George Stephanopoulos was wiped off television and omitted from my TV Guide. All of this gets a whole lot stranger when you think about it because the Huckster sort of morphed into George Stephanopoulos!!!  You see Mike’s television show is now running his own effort at recreating This Week with George Stephanopoulos !  The Huckster is so smart. The Huckster didn’t want anyone to accuse him of stealing poor unemployed George’s concept, so he came up with a unique title. Mike’s show is called “Huckabee”!  The title sounds so much better than This Week with George Stephanopoulos!  Unlike George, you can bet that Mike will never have one of those demon loving Mormons appearing on his television show.

Yes Sirree Bob and Howdy too! Mike has a better show than George!  Mike has folks on his show that George just would “pass over”. Mike has had Chuck Norris on more times than any other television talk show and recently Mike carried a premier appearance of the  billionaire  Sheldon Adelson.   Mike really liked Mr. Adelson and explained that Mr. Adelson was removing gambling from Las Vegas.  He said that Mr. Adelson’s Hotel has taken the nasty gambling business out of Las Vegas because Mr. Adelson is an upstanding Jew who believes that people shouldn’t gamble and the only way to stop them is to offer them fine entertainment.  Now because of Mr. Adelson’s entertainment business, Las Vegas and Singapore have more people visiting   who don’t gamble, drink,  convene with prostitutes or commit suicide.  Yes sir because of the Huckster and Mr. Adelson, Las Vegas barely has any gambling. The Huckster said that now only 15% of the people who visit Las Vegas gamble. I assumed that the 85% were spending their time visiting Mike’s new Vegas church.

I was so impressed that I thought all of this had to come about from a Huckabee church in Las Vegas. So I went to my internet in search for Mike’s Las Vegas ministry, but I found no listing. Then looking to see if the Huckster had saved Mr. Sheldon Adelson, I found some shocking information.  Mr. Adelson owns casinos in the holy land ! Yes! Right in Israel and he has another right in Turkey and another in Jordan and a much larger one in Macau!  Mr. Adelson also owns a huge casino in Singapore.  Worse there are some reports that call Las Vegas the suicide capital of the world.

Now when I observe the Huckster on my television he looks and sounds more and more like Richard Nixon. Well, I stopped looking for Huckabee’s church!  Did you know that President Nixon was a musician just like Mike Huckabee? Golly! I just found one that out.

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